Wednesday, February 20, 2013

"Mom I've Been Waiting..."

A week ago a video was played in my MOPs group.  It was moms confessing things they swore they would never do when they had kids, but have succumb to once they actually had them.  Things like, "I swore when I had kids we would not go out in public with food on their my kid has food everywhere, every day."  We all laughed at this video knowing full well we too are guilty of this.

I have lots of these confessions, but my biggest is probably that I swore I wouldn't be that mom that medicated her kids.  "There are so many over diagnosed behavioral and learning issues," I would argue.  Or "Most of the time it can be mediated by parenting changes or diet."

Wow does God have a way of showing us humility.  My middle daughter has constantly struggled and we thought the treatment of her epilepsy would combat these struggles.  Well it did, some of them.  But it also brought to the front other struggles which had been masked by the seizures. 

This entire school year has been one of her teacher and I in constant communication wondering at what could be going on with Alina.  She is smart enough certainly. But she still has that day dreamy quality to her, preventing her knowledge and insight from being shared.

Well, after a year of treating her, her neurologist determined that she also struggles with ADD.  This was a hard and bitter pill for me to swallow.  I mean I know things could most certainly be worse.  But of all things...seriously!! "The one I swore I would never medicate for is what you think is preventing my child from succeeding?"

Thus we had an internal battle, where we had to make the most prudent choice for our daughter, knowing whatever we chose could possibly have lifelong consequences.  I talked to others whose children battle this and found out what their life was like before and after medication.  I looked up the symptoms of ADD and what I found was the perfect description of Alina. 

So we waited the two weeks to begin medication that the Doctor had recommended.  Last Saturday I gave my daughter her first dose of a medication I vehemently swore would never be in my home.  I don't know what I expected.  Her head to spin around, or some magic wand giving my daughter wings? But we watched her all day.  She smiled the entire day, she was giddy, she was helpful, and sweet and didn't fight with her sister once.  Now from my perspective that in itself is magic.  Several times Alina told me she liked the medication, she felt good on which my mind said, "great we've created an addict."

Late in the afternoon, Alina started crying.  I asked her what was wrong.  She said, "nothings wrong mom, I am just so happy.  I think this medicine is working, I haven't spaced out once.  Mom, I've been waiting for two and a half years to feel normal and I finally do."

Now you may pause here (dab your eyes) and then think, "sure that's what she said!"  But it is.  That is the exact wording my daughter gave me...Mom I've been waiting two and a half years...

Can you just imagine not feeling comfortable in your own skin and someone gives you something, and suddenly everything just feels right?  Wow.   Time will tell if this truly helps her focus and have more success in the class room.  But could you imagine if I let my ego rule that decision. 

The experience made me realize, that most of the time we really don't have all the answers and sometimes we have to give our trust to God.  I am so cerebral at times, and want to control everything (just ask my husband), I think I need to have this lesson hammered into my head. 

Maybe I'll just hold on to the mental picture of my child weeping tears of joy...maybe that will be reminder enough.

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