Friday, November 18, 2011

3 is "too big for me"

My son has recently turned a corner.  One which I was hoping we'd avoid.  Time keeps on marching and thus my son approaches the age of 3.  Once he rounded the corner and saw 3 within his sight, my sweet, compliant, loving boy was replaced by a tantrum throwing, "no!" monster.

His latest statement when he doesn't want to or sometimes can't do what is being asked of him is: "I can't, it's too big for me!" Well now isn't that philosophically deep for a 2 year old?  I of course say that with jest, but I got to thinking that sometimes I feel just that way, that things are too big for me. 

I know of course though, that God equips us with abilities we don't always realize we have.  So, where I think things are too big for me, I must proceed forward.  In the end, God has equipped me and that for which I am unequipped, God is bigger.

Some days I think 3 kids is too big for me and my patience is down to zero.  I have literally taken to escaping to my room to kneel and bow my head in prayer to God.  I pray for the patience that alludes me and the wisdom to say the right words to my 8 year old daughter who is going on sixteen.  It never ceases to amaze me that I come out with the right words.  I most of the time don't even know what I am going to say until it is out of my mouth.  Then I watch in amazement as my daughter responds to my new take.

So yes many things are too big for us, but as Veggie tales says, "God is Bigger..." I used to have great ideas and shrink away from their actual execution, for fear that I would fail and/or be embarrassed.  Lately, I have taken on these projects with gusto.  For example, I led a Veterans day assembly for my kids school.  I had the idea, I followed it through and I mc'd the event.  Those who know me, know how much I LOVE public speaking and attention.  However, I spoke without the shaky nervous voice.  I had confidence.  The Superintendent was there as were 2 assistant superintendents and this did not even make my nerves overreact.  I realized afterwards why.  The idea was not mine, God planted it and wanted His work completed.  His reassuring hand was with me.  As a result of me trusting in His Divine wisdom, I was able to have an impact on every person in that room.  I have been told as much repeatedly.  I tell this story not to boast, but in amazement.  You see a year ago, I would have thought of the idea, but I would have almost given up before I started, letting fear rule me.
I thought I was strong after having children, but I think it has been my journey with Jasz that has given me my voice.  Who knows what the next leg of this journey will be. What I do know is that with God, there is nothing that is "too big for me!" 

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