Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Is it worth it?

We ask this question about a lot of things, and yes sometimes we even ask this question about our kids.  I was feeling a bit perplexed at my 8 year old a couple of weeks ago. Marveling, if that is the correct word, at her "nothing is good enough" attitude.  It was frustrating and disheartening and made me wonder if what I was doing was in fact worth it.  I mean my goal is to raise good people and I did not feel like I was accomplishing that at all. 

Then she showed me this weekend how worth it it is. Her generosity of spirit shined bright as we went to the people's kitchen to feed the homeless and downtrodden.  Her job was to hand out the plastic ware.  She never once was out of my sight and what I saw amazed me. She didn't just mindlessly hand out plastic ware.  She spoke with most going through the line.  She was unafraid and showed them they were worth something in her eyes.  Most of our fellow servers had eyes glistening with tears as they watched this charming 8 year old show such love and compassion for everyone in that room. 

I was told more than once what a good heart my daughter has and that I should be proud.  I was also told by the Junior high ministry leader that it was good I had taught her to be unafraid.  There is a balance, but she often gets Jr. highers who won't even look at the people coming to get a meal...as though they are afraid that poverty is contagious.  People were taking a lesson out of Izabella's book this last weekend and it made me realize all the tough moments are worth it, for even just one of these moments.

We have "is it worth it?" moments where Jasz is concerned too.  After we left Stanford we were tasked with having the same genetic tests run on us that were run on Jasz.  We were cautioned though, because if something were to come up on that test we could be penalized, insurance speaking, far down the road.  After discovering that we do in fact have to run the test under us not under Jasz, we have been deliberating on whether or not to proceed.  I finally wrote his Stanford Dr. and asked if the genetic test was necessary or if it was just interesting information.  I received his response this morning that our test results could be the answer to what is going on with Jasz.   So is it worth it?  Does the possibility of not being able to access care ourselves outweigh the possibility of finding an answer for our son?  Well, we decided pretty quick it was worth it.  We want an answer so that our son can receive appropriate care life long.  He already may be in trouble insurance wise once he has to get a policy on his own.  But at least his Dr.'s will know how to proceed. 

I know those who don't have children look at those of us who do with a mixture of envy and relief.  They watch the melt downs, temper tantrums and destroyed homes and are thankful they can still have nice things.  But they miss the moments where out of the blue my two year old stops his play, looks over at me and says, "Mom, I just love you."  That alone gets me through many days.

Yes it's tough, but is it worth it?  Absolutely!!


  1. Hi, it's your mom. Just brought tears to my eyes. It is worth it for everything and all of my children and grandchildren. Precious moments, awful tantrums and trials and tribulations - all worth it. And you are so worth it. I wouldn't miss a moment of what we share. Thanks

  2. Absolutely! One smile or giggle just melts your heart. It gets bigger and better every day. Little miracles. :)

  3. Amen! Glad you're writing all of this down...what a blessing it will be to your kids when they grow up and see not just the sunshine-y, happy moments, but also those real life moments of struggle and questions and revelation.

  4. Bella takes after her Aunt Julie. Very caring, but sometimes you wonder what we are thinking. You are the best mother, my sister. I am in total awe of you.